Night Time Musings…featuring Jim Henson and David Bowie in stretchy pants.

When someone you love dies, there are typically two very distinct reactions. People who send endless thoughts, prayers, love, and light OR people who actually show up and sit in the ick with you. Either reaction is perfectly understandable, though now having been on the losing end, I can tell you where people can truly shove their love and light…I’ve found more strength and understanding and love from those who choose to endure the ick.

The ick doesn’t necessarily mean some horrible kind of thing…granted on a scale of love and light to ick, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out which one is less messy. BUT the truth is, ick is where you find out what you are made of. It is where you find out who you can trust and who is willing to see all the different dimensions of your personality and love you anyway. Ick is where truth lives.

Growing up in the 80s, ick instantly conjures up very vivid memories of the Bog of Eternal Stench from the David Bowie classic, the Labyrinth. The Goblin King, Muppets, a British worm in a scarf, the terrifying dudes who play soccer with their own heads, Ludo, Sir Didymus, and of course Hoggle…an instant classic with so many relevant messages about the struggle to do what is expected of you, seeking your own independence, betrayal, true friendship, and of course, the infamous ick.

I’ve been circling ick for the better part of my adult life. Many people know about the recent loss of my husband Brent. In fact, the tiny pieces of my shattered heart may never be mended, as I’ve never been a great seamstress, but the truth is, I’ve lived in ick most my life.

Now, don’t feel sorry for me, because I am painfully aware that in spite of the trauma that I’ve endured and the things that have happened in my lifetime, things could have most definitely been worse. I’ve known mercy. I’ve experienced miracles. I can see the blessings in my life despite the ick…but I’ll be damned if there isn’t an entire path of rocks in a stream full of shit creating a melodic chorus of fart noises as I hop from one obstacle to another. (Seriously, if you haven’t seen this movie, none of what I just wrote makes sense. Stop now…find it on Netflix…watch it and then try to read this…it DOES translate).

I recently watched Labyrinth with my best friends in the entire world. Some of them had never seen it and looked at me like I was an absolute lunatic, while others (Leah) quoted the movie along with me and reveled in the magic of this cinematic masterpiece. Okay, I grant you, it’s mediocre at best. Jennifer Connelly has never had bushier eyebrows and Jim Henson has created more loveable characters, but this movie created characters that you can use as a road map for people in your own orbit.

This map will tell you if you have a Ludo – like my Brent. Big and clumsy, not necessarily full of social graces, but he was honest and loyal, and he not only walked through the ick with you, but he also made you laugh while doing it. Ludo saved Sarah time and again, and never truly expected anything in return. He did it because it made him happy. He wanted to love Sarah…so he did and she did (in her own way – she was an idiot – yes Jareth could sing, but he looked ridiculous in those pants, Ludo wins).

Sir Didymus, the bravest and most ridiculous of all the characters in the movie, has the heart of a warrior. He, like all of my HMC crew, charged into the unknown with me and confronted every challenge that was in the way. They moved my entire life, not once, but twice, in a span of three months. Some of them laid in bed with me, holding my hand, rubbing my back (WAY too hard), laughing with me until we cried, and crying with me until we laughed. No goblins and no number of twists and turns will make these ladies turn from me…something I never thought I could or would find in one human, let alone six. Sir Didymus also teaches us something else in this movie – he gives his bravery away. Each one of my closest friends has shared a piece of themselves that they can never take back – would never take back. I’ve received empathy, bravery, tenacity, compassion, positivity, strength, and the ability to share my vulnerability from these women…the same thing Sir Didymus gave Sarah.

If you’ve read this far, you’ve obviously realized I’m not entirely firing on all cylinders if I am reading that much into a children’s movie…but I promise you. Watch this movie after someone you love dies and your perspective might just shift. That, or I am genuinely nuts. I am fine with either assessment. Ludo taught me that.

Believe it or not, there are more lessons to learn from this movie. I mentioned the British worm…he’s adorable and one of my favorite characters, but after the most recent viewing, I realized how many of these nasty little buggers are in my life. They say nice things, seem warm and inviting and then they purposefully deter you from your goals and ambitions because they think they know what is best for you. Gotta watch out for them Brits…I mean, we’ve all seen Hamilton by now, amiright? Yeah…I’m right.

For our last moment of introspection of the evening, we turn our sights on Hoggle. The friend who is right there with you. Holding your hand in the ick. Walking with you, complaining a little, and then disappearing when you need them the most. Hoggle is the person who you trust so completely that you give them a piece of yourself, only to learn that they’ve taken that trust and made a deal with your proverbial Jareth to make their lives easier. I hate Hoggle. I’ve had my fill of Hoggle. I’d rather fall directly into the Bog of Eternal Stench and deal with the ick forever than be confronted with another Hoggle. I said it.

This is not the redemption character. I’m not going to give away any spoilers. It is a children’s movie after all, so I’m sure you can guess it doesn’t end Hunger Game style where you’re throwing your book across the room because the end is too close to reality that you want to punch someone for making you even believe that happy endings can be a thing. (No trauma there, obviously). Hoggle is who you need to be wary of. Hoggle is the majority of people you meet. Hoggle is who Madea would compare to the branches of the tree. The one’s you think you can trust, but the second you step out and put any weight on them, they break and let you fall. Hoggle is full of love and light and good vibes…but delivers you to darkness, heartache, and the Goblin King. Never trust a Hoggle.

In my case, I lost my Ludo. My heart will never be the same. I don’t know if someone gets the opportunity to have more than one Ludo in life. I am grateful for the opportunity to have experienced that level of devotion and to have the love of a man who would (and did) move mountains to prove his love to me. In losing Ludo, I’ve gained the courage, confidence, and tenacity of Sir Didymus. Gifts from my friends who continue to guide me through the Bog of Eternal Stench – unable to smell the ick that surrounds us. It’s just us against the world, and Didymus knows we’re going to win…just like my friends.

Believe it or not, I haven’t actually given away any spoilers (except for maybe what a total shit Hoggle is), and I do encourage you to watch this movie. Curl up on the couch and watch it with people you love and think about the ick in your life. I challenge you to not find strength from those who will trust you enough to watch the movie with you. Those who give up pieces of themselves when you are in the middle of your ick…those who you give yourself to when they are in their ick.

Remember that you have fought your way through the ick, to take back what was stolen from you. Your will is as strong as the goblins (or Goblin Kings) you may have faced and your kingdom is as great. Nobody has any power over you.

Embrace the ick and find out how strong you truly are.